The Baker Street Connection
A good resource to find out about the books on Sherlock Holmes.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Dear Husband / Dear Ex-Wife
Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
Women and Cats
"I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat."
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat."
Some Extremely Funny Quotes From bash.org
Cthon98: hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
Cthon98: ********* see!
AzureDiamond: hunter2
AzureDiamond: doesnt look like stars to me
Cthon98: AzureDiamond: *******
Cthon98: thats what I see
AzureDiamond: oh, really?
Cthon98: Absolutely
AzureDiamond: you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
AzureDiamond: haha, does that look funny to you?
Cthon98: lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
AzureDiamond: thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
Cthon98: yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
AzureDiamond: awesome!
AzureDiamond: wait, how do you know my pw?
Cthon98: er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
AzureDiamond:oh,ok.
Guo_Si: Hey, you know what sucks?
TheXPhial: vaccuums
Guo_Si: Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
TheXPhial: black holes
Guo_Si: Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
TheXPhial: lava?
DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
___________________________________________________________________
You can read more such quotes from :
http://www.bash.org/?top
Bart Simpsons Chalkboard Writings
1990
- I will not do that thing with my tongue.
- I will not draw naked ladies in class.
- I will not waste chalk.
- I am not a 32 year old woman.
- Garlic gum is not funny.
- They are laughing at me, not with me.
- I will not skateboard in the halls.
- I will not instigate revolution.
- Tar is not a play thing.
- I did not see Elvis.
- I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
- I will not trade pants with others
- I will not yell 'fire' in a crowded classroom.
- I will not encourage others to fly.
- I will not Xerox my butt.
- I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
1991
- I will not sleep through my education.
- I will not cut corners.
- I will finish what I sta___.
- The Christmas pageant does not stink.
- I will not sell school property.
- I will not get very far with this attitude.
- I will not do anything bad ever again.
- I will not make flatulent noises in class.
- I will not belch the national anthem.
- I will not sell land in Florida.
- I will not grease the monkey bars.
- I will not show off.
- I am not a dentist.
- Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
- High explosives and school don't mix.
- Underwear should be worn on the inside.
- I will not torment the emotionally frail.
- "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
- I will not squeak chalk.
1992
- Teacher is not a leper.
- Coffee is not for kids.
- A burp is not an answer.
- My name is not "Dr. Death".
- I will not conduct my own fire drills.
- I will not spin the turtle.
- I will not fake seizures.
- I will not aim for the head.
- I will not spank others.
- I will not barf unless I'm sick.
- I saw nothing unusual in the teachers lounge.
- Funny noises are not funny.
- I will not snap bras.
- This punishment is not boring and pointless.
- I will not defame New Orleans.
- I will not prescribe medication.
- I will not teach others to fly.
- I will not bring sheep to class.
1993
- I will not yell "She's dead" during roll call.
- I will not sell miracle cures.
- I will not eat things for money.
- The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
- Goldfish don't bounce.
- I will not call the principal "spud head".
- Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
- I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
- I do not have diplomatic immunity.
- The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
- All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
- I will never win an emmy.
- I will return the seeing-eye dog.
1994
- No one is interested in my underpants.
- Organ transplants are best left to the professionals.
- My home work was not stolen by a one-armed man.
- I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
- I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
- I will not re-transmit without the express permission of major league baseball.
- Beans are neither fruit nor musical.
- There are plenty of businesses like show business.
- I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
- I will not dissect things unless instructed.
- I will not whittle hall passes out of soap.
- I will not send lard through the mail.
- Ralph wont "Morph" if you squeeze him hard enough.
1995
- The boys room is not a water park.
- No one wants to hear from my armpits.
- I am not a lean mean spitting machine.
- I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
- Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.
- This is not a clue ... or is it?
- I will not complain about the solution when I hear it.
- I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist.
- Indian burns are not our cultural heritage.
- "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism.
- Nerve gas is not a toy.
- Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things.
- I will only do this once a year.
- The first amendment does not cover burping.
- Adding 'just kidding' doesn't make it okay to insult the principal.
- I will not hang donuts on my person.
- Next time it could be me on the scaffolding.
- I will not strut around like I own the place.
- I will remember to take my medication.
- I will not mock Mrs Dumbface.
1996
- I am not certified to remove asbestos.
Ultraviolet Tralier Song
Here is the song from the trailer of Ultraviolet:
Mediafire
Artist: Jem
Song: 24
Lyrics:
Been given 24 hours
to tie up loose ends
to make amends
His eyes said it all
I started to fall
and the silence deafened
Head spinning round
no time to sit down
just wanted to
run and run and run
Be careful they say
don't wish life away,
now I've one day
I can't believe
How I've been wasting my time
In 24 hours they'll be
laying flowers
on my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
need your blessing
and your promise to live free
please do it for me
Is there a heaven a hell
and will I come back
who can tell
Now I can see
what matters to me
it's as clear as crystal
The places I've been
the people I've seen
plans that I made
start to fade
The sun's setting gold
thought I would grow old,
it wasn't to be
I can't believe
How I've been wasting my time
In 18 hours they'll be
laying flowers
on my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
need your blessing
and your promise to live free
please do it for me
13 hours they'll be
laying flowers
on my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
need your blessing
and your promise to live free
Please do it for me
I'm not alone, I sense it, I sense it
All that I said, I meant it, I meant it
I can't believe
How much I've wasted my time
In just 8 hours they'll be
laying flowers
on my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
need your blessing
and your promise to live free
please do it for me
In just 1 hour they'll be
laying flowers
on my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
need your blessing
and your promise to live free
please do it for me
Mediafire
Artist: Jem
Song: 24
Lyrics:
Been given 24 hours
to tie up loose ends
to make amends
His eyes said it all
I started to fall
and the silence deafened
Head spinning round
no time to sit down
just wanted to
run and run and run
Be careful they say
don't wish life away,
now I've one day
I can't believe
How I've been wasting my time
In 24 hours they'll be
laying flowers
on my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
need your blessing
and your promise to live free
please do it for me
Is there a heaven a hell
and will I come back
who can tell
Now I can see
what matters to me
it's as clear as crystal
The places I've been
the people I've seen
plans that I made
start to fade
The sun's setting gold
thought I would grow old,
it wasn't to be
I can't believe
How I've been wasting my time
In 18 hours they'll be
laying flowers
on my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
need your blessing
and your promise to live free
please do it for me
13 hours they'll be
laying flowers
on my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
need your blessing
and your promise to live free
Please do it for me
I'm not alone, I sense it, I sense it
All that I said, I meant it, I meant it
I can't believe
How much I've wasted my time
In just 8 hours they'll be
laying flowers
on my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
need your blessing
and your promise to live free
please do it for me
In just 1 hour they'll be
laying flowers
on my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
need your blessing
and your promise to live free
please do it for me
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